Dear Sadie

Dear Sadie,

Why are you so scared to go to sleep lately? Do you have nightmares? Are you afraid there are monsters under the bed? How can I assuage these fears so we can return to our normal state of being? I have to say, one thing we’ve always had going for us was your bedtime routine. I’d rock you and read to you, put you in your crib with your Binky, kiss you and turn out the lights and you would peacefully drift off to sleep. Oh, how I miss those days! Now when we lay you down you seem panicked and terrified. We have to sit in the room until you fall asleep and then ever-so-slowly tip toe out. Sometimes you hear us leaving and we have to start the process all over again. I have to say, your father has the patience of a saint! He has officially earned his place in heaven as he tries his best to let me sleep because he knows I have to get up early for seminary. But sometimes you get up several times each night and can be up for a hour or more, so I’ll get up to relieve him of his duties. What a guy!

I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, but in desperate moments, we have tried letting you ‘cry it out’. The doctor, the books, and most of your friends’ parents highly recommend it. But I ended up crying right along with you, and it didn’t work anyways, and now you’re worse than ever! I just want you to feel safe, loved, and content. It may sound silly, but I feel like you are still scared from the things that happened to you when you were in the hospital at age 2 months. Those mean people are far away and they’re never going to touch or poke you again! I promise!! So, will you just trust Dad and me to protect you and know that we’ll always be here when you need us…. but can you try not to need us every hour or two? We would really appreciate it. But ya know what, even if you do need us every hour or two, we’ll be there for ya! But could you possibly try not to need us during the hours or two and four am, because if I get woken up during those hours I can’t get back to sleep and it’s hard to function when I only get 3 hours of sleep and then I’m sleepy and grouchy the next day and I take a nap instead of working and then we can’t go shopping to buy you cute clothes…..so, could you keep that in mind?

Thanks kiddo,

Mom