Still here, Still Pregnant # 2

A looonnngggg time ago I wrote this post: http://aliciaben.com/?p=100 when I was 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant with McKay.

As I sit here tonight, 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant again, these words rang true for how I’m feeling:

I go to bed every night and think, “Please let this be the night.” And, wake up every morning and think, “Ugh, still here!  Heavenly Father pleasssse help me through this day!”…..I feel like everyone is tired and struggling and the sooner we have this baby the sooner things will start to get back to normal.  Well, the new normal.  It will probably get harder before it gets easier, but right now I just feel stagnant and I’m ready to move forward.

McKay was born about 3 hours after I wrote that post.  Maybe history will repeat itself and I’ll go into labor tonight.  That could happen.  I’m not sure it will.  But I hope it will!

Ben and I have guessed that January 16th, tomorrow, would be her birthday since early on in the pregnancy.  Of course, I’ve also said that about other dates hoping it would happen sooner, but realistically I expected it to be January 16th.  I hadn’t prepared for the fact it could be past the 16th!!!  I’m trying to wrap my mind around that today.  The anticipation is becoming painful.

Thankfully I have been able to get a lot done the last few weeks.  All photoshoots are edited and delivered, baby stuff is all bought, and the house is really organized.  My motivation for to-do list items dried up this week, though.  My brain only thinks about one thing – baby.  I can’t focus on much else.

On Wednesday of this past week I hit the “I’m done!” day.  It was a physically draining day full of cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and Charlie’s fun birthday party.  We got home from the birthday party around bedtime and I was exhausted and achy.  Ben had YMs and was heading out the door.  I begged him to stay and told him I just didn’t have another hour of stamina left in me but I don’t think he realized I meant it.  Bedtime was hard with the boys and I ended up crying and they ended up crying and it was awful.  I went to sleep angry with Ben, frustrated with the boys, disappointed with myself, and physically and emotionally exhausted.  One of the most exhausted moments of my life perhaps.  Can’t recall a time I’ve ever felt more drained.  That was my “I’m done!” Day.  I had been patient up until that point but since then I’m so anxious to get this baby out and move into our new routine.

The kids are normally very content, happy, and obedient but the boys haven’t been their normal selves the past week.  They’re coming in bed with us at night, not wanting to do their chores, and fighting going to bed. Their stress and anxiety levels are high!  Jax is especially struggling – he’s cried about going to school for the last 6 days and cries much of the morning when he’s there.  He says he just wants to be home with me.  It’s so sad.  I’m ready for this baby to be born so things will settle back down eventually, not just for me, but for the kids!

So, on to actual baby related events from the week….

On Tuesday I had my follow up doctor’s appointment with the hematologist.  My numbers still weren’t great so they kept me so I could do another IV Iron Infusion.  I brought the kids with me and my half hour appointment turned into two hours!  We went straight to piano and singers company after than and arrived home to meet the missionaries at 6:30 for a lesson and then hurried to bed. Long day.  Lots of time in the car that day, too, which was hard on my back and the kids.  They did great, though!

On Thursday I had my routine OB appointment and since I was over 40 weeks it’s their standard to do a non-stress test.  The baby did phenomenal until after a half hour her her rate dropped to 70 – 80 bpm for about 10 seconds.  That made them nervous and they were also nervous because of my small measurements so they sent me to Morton Plant Hospital for further testing.  I was hooked up to the monitor for another 5ish hours, did some blood work, and had an ultrasound.  They were considering inducing but everything checked out beautifully – good placenta, healthy/active baby, she was in perfect position, cord was not around the neck, and I had tons of fluid (95th percentile).  She had a perfect score, an 8/8 on the test.  Usually if the heart rate drops it’s because of low fluid or cord is wrapped.  Since that definitely wasn’t a problem in my case they eventually sent me home.  They told me if I hadn’t had the baby by Sunday (today) that I needed to come back for an induction Sunday night.