It’s been a long week

I’ve been feeling emotional this week.  That’s not very normal for me.  Lots of stressful and sad things have been happening lately.

The sad times probably began with Grandma Doris’ death.  We’re happy it was so peaceful, but sad to see her go.  Actually, now that I think about it, it began with Mitt Romney losing the presidential election.   Theory has it that event actually contributed to the death of Grandma Doris.  No joke.

Shortly after we returned from the funeral we had the trauma of McKay’s split lip and stitches.  Not a fun experience.

The Cricchios officially moved away last week.  I knew I’d miss them but it’s been even harder than I expected (probably because it’s been such a long week).  Stephanie and I both hugged and balled our eyes out as we said goodbye.  I’ve been meaning to do a blog post about it but haven’t found the time.  We had become great friends!  We usually had park play dates at least once a week and our kids really loved each other.  Sadie and Jax still ask to go see Andrew. “I have an idea – let’s go meet Andrew at the park!” Sadie keeps saying.  I’ve explained they’ve moved but she hasn’t quite accepted that they’re gone for good.  I’m not sure I have either.

It’s Ben’s busy season so he’s been working late most nights these past couple weeks.  I did bedtime by myself 4 of the 5 nights this past week.  I appreciate all the hard work he puts in, but it can be exhausting to be a single parent.  It’s been especially lonely since Cricchio hasn’t been around for me to have some adult contact with.

I’ve been really busy with photography stuff.  That’s a blessing and a burden.  I think I’ve done 9 photo shoots (not all for profit) and photographed two Christmas parties in the last three weeks.   I enjoy photography and I’m so happy to be busy but it’s just been a little too much.  I’m learning I need to set boundaries.  We haven’t had a Saturday at home without something scheduled in probably three months now.  It’s getting a little overwhelming.  I’m doing headshoots at a doctor’s office this Tuesday and then things should calm down for a few weeks.

Great news: I bought the new camera I’ve been drooling over for months.  I love it!  That’s been a helpful distraction.

Kimmy came home.  That’s a really great thing!  It was still a very emotional day, though.  A good, emotional day.  But, an emotional day, nonetheless.  More to follow about that.

The day after Kimmy came home the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting occurred.  This tragedy has really affected me.  More than any other ever has.  It just feels so real and so personal.  Every time I look at Sadie I can feel the heartache those parents are experiencing.  I keep searching for article after article and tears spill freely as I read.  I’m sick with sadness for those families.

Yesterday we had a busy morning and I was so, so, so looking forward to a Girls Night Out with some good friends and Kimmy at an amazing restaurant in the evening.  It was just the break I needed – lots of laughs with good friends.  Well, around 5PM I was working on retouching the last pictures from a posh Christmas party I photographed the previous weekend when I heard an awful cry from McKay in the family room.  I rushed out there to find him laid out on his back on the floor.  I scooped him up and asked Ben who was sitting with Jax and Sadie on the sofa what happened.  He said McKay was walking with the bat, it got caught between his legs, tripped over it, and fell.  I could tell from his cry he was really hurt.  I nursed him (yes, I’m still nursing him!) and even after I nursed him he started crying again.  He kept pointing to his leg.  We figured he’d twisted his ankle or knee.  Ben took him and Jax on a walk and he fell asleep.   When they got home we ate dinner and he still seemed sensitive.  He wanted to get down after dinner so we cautiously tried to let him walk.  He would put weight on his left leg but whimpered in pain when he tried to extend his right leg.  It was around 6:30 at this point.  We decided we should take him to an urgent care place just as a precautionary measure, not thinking it was actually broken.    But, in fact, it is actually broken.   So, after many tears, a splint, missing my girls night, and an exhausting evening we safely arrived home late last night.  We’re still in shock and disbelief.  McKay has been in a lot of pain today and cries any time it gets bumped or moved.  Tomorrow I’ll take him to a pediatric orthopedic doctor (we happen to know one; he’s in our stake and a good friend of my parents) and he’ll get a cast.  Dreading that!

Anyways, it’s been a long week and month for us Johnsons.  Each in our own ways.

I’m grateful for my challenges though because I know I learn from them and it stretched me to be a better, more compassionate person.  It was great having Cricchio as a friend for the few years I did.  As the says goes, “It’s better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.”  I’m grateful for Ben’s employment and his willingness to work long hours so I can be home caring for our children.  I’m grateful for photography and the outlet that it is for me.  I’m grateful that it’s a talent I’m able to share with others.  I’m grateful for the gospel plan that gives us perspective when tragedies occur.  Everything inside me tells me that there is a heaven and those children have escaped the sadness of this life and they are being loved and are joyful.  I’m grateful that McKay only has a broken leg.  It’s not life threatening.  Surely this will help him learn something.  Maybe he’ll learn to sit calmly and let me read him a book?  Maybe he’ll learn to think before he acts?  Maybe he will learn patience?  Things happen for a reason.

I’m just trying to calmly roll along through life and understand the life lessons in all that goes on.